I do not envy Kenny
By Evan O’Gorman
Arranged marriage is not a concept met with keen hospitality throughout western culture. Many believe the practice to be inhumane and compare it to outlawed human trafficking and in extreme circumstances, slavery – only practised in distant baron lands by those never met.
But on what great tales can we reflect? Those marriages arranged by Victorian ancestors sworn by hierarchy and wealth which proved only to benefit the master puppeteers. The strings pulled centuries ago may be the only reason you and your elders ever existed.
For those who take pride in making decisions based on love, the idea of marrying a man or woman you do not know terrifies. But what of this twisted next-generation affair of political marriage? Where leaders of the rock we call home are sucked into a miserable companionship with one another for the sake of diplomacy – where trade and investment speak louder than ethics and equality.
The first thing that occurred to me when he raised his right arm and sagged the left upon the 17th Century Best-Seller was the impact this administration would have on my whiskey marinated island – with an area of land that would rank 11th in the smallest states of America.
Ireland and America have been in bed with each other for centuries, and they haven’t been afraid to hide it. We built their roads, they gave us guns. But what would Kenny do? Cornered in the dancehall of a political hurricane, with neighbouring Britain’s glass ceiling collapsing above them, a Union of Europeans squabbling and clawing over their people for loyalty and now this; the man with the hotels and the bad hair – now a household name.
Kenny has a special gift. He is a member of a select group of people in world history who have the ability to win over the voters who outspokenly disapprove of him. You cannot with any level of dignity accuse him of being a pushover, nor can you call him a maniac. He is like what social media is to a middle-class millennial, who spend their day arguing with fellow plankton beneath tacky Buzzfeed video diaries about how bad social media is for society, as they circulate the anti-society message on said platforms.
Regardless, Kenny has a decision to make with increasing pressure from a select group of the Irish populace to demanding the Republican Party Yes Man be sent to Coventry. This reaction no doubt born from the regulations promised by Yes Man, executed within 8 days of Presidency. Depressing as such recent sanctions are – it would be very ignorant to act surprised. Nothing says “I have no political experience” like fulfilling pre-election promises.
Kenny has already defied calls for rejecting the traditional St Patrick’s Day visit to the Whiskey Hotel, giving clear indication of his intention to keep the waters calm between Ireland and America. For this, he has been met with great criticism, nothing he isn’t used to.
What’s clear is why. Ireland cannot be self-sufficient, despite what unemployed nationalists may tell you behind a Facebook post.
Try to recall a hazy memory of primary school. Kenny is like the popular kid who still talks to the lower ranking freaks. He has found himself in the compromised position of being caught between keeping up appearances for the other popular kids, secretly meeting up with the reasonably smart girl who’s fallen out with the popular kids because she can’t decide on anything and entertaining the undesirable kid who keeps urinating on himself, but shares with Kenny some of the cool stuff his parents give him to compensate years of neglect.
I do not envy Kenny’s current set of circumstances, nor would I wish it upon anybody. Kenny has already made his feelings toward the Yes Man clear, speaking publicly against implemented policies. But he knows Ireland needs America, and with the growing popularity of Dublin in the world of finance and technology, Ireland needs America and her people more than ever.
But this is no doubt a prime example of new world arranged marriage. Those who are chosen by their people for leadership, but criticised for their actions, forced to openly maintain trust in a world as spiteful as our own.
If you find yourself angered by Kenny’s pledge to uphold the tradition of the St Patrick’s Day visit, ask yourself this: would you be willing to jeopardise the jobs of over 140,000 Irish citizens employed by U.S. businesses, in order to impose a meaningless buzzword? Of course it is easy to deny the possibility of Yes Man’s intervention of U.S. businesses operating in Ireland, but with the correlation of pre-election promises and the inability to coordinate a positive self-image, is that a risk willing to take?
Kenny may be widely unpopular, but you cannot argue his success in politics. He knows exactly how it works. He doesn’t act out, and seldom will make unhinged decisions on his feet. He knows Yes Man is a liability – anyone with an IQ above 7 and doesn’t read The Daily Mail will tell you that – but he is a liability with a lot of influence, power and zero self-consciousness. And that my friends, is a dangerous fucking beast.
You can’t expect Kenny to isolate Ireland because of an online petition someone created while procrastinating on the toilet at work, but nor can you assume he will fawn over the Yes Man.
No deer shall be born in March.
And what of May and the Faragites? Recent trans-Atlantic events have cast a welcome shadow on the goings on to our east.
Yesterday evening I was driving through north Dublin when I was stopped by a flock of high-speed high-vis motorbikes, with blue flashing lights and sirens crippling a both my hearing and sight. When my senses cleared and I was pulled over to the side of the road, I observed a procession of black Mercedes people carriers equipped with tinted windows and blue lights, three of them, all escorted by a vigilant group of about 20 Gardaí (Irish police). Knowing that no Irish official would be under that level of protection – or threat, as it were – one can only assume this was the motorcade was transporting May to the airport, following her meeting with Kenny in Dublin that afternoon.
That brief encounter got me thinking. As it becomes increasingly convincing that despite originally campaigning against Brexit, May may be the only person in the United Kingdom actively pushing the it into a pit of isolation and hypocrisy.
It seems the United Arab Emirates is the only ‘United’ country that remains. And they don’t even let you buy drink without a licence.
This all relates back to Kenny and the compromising position. In the game of politics, can you really be everyone’s friend? History would disagree. And as for us? We can simply stand by and observe this global frenzy. As is always, the rulers rule and the watchers watch.
Cover image courtesy of Irish Times (irishtimes.ie)
Evan O'Gorman 